Bitchin’ Camaro

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It takes a strong woman to admit when you’re wrong.

And Mr. Camaro, I’ve been wrong about you.  But you gotta understand–growing up, Camaros were driven by, well, Guidos and Dirtbags. (If you’re not from the East Coast, you may have to Google that action.) Anyway, for years it was impossible for me to appreciate the low purr of your v8 (not to mention the turbo hydramatic) due to the inevitable refrain of “Yo! Look at the pair on her!” (I know, I know,smart & stacked– try to control yourself).   Thus my conversion to Camaro-phile has been understandly slow.

But now, 20 years later I see stuff like this and I want to cry:

Aw..navy blue and all.  That is so sweet.  I’ve noticed that Camaro converts are everywhere:

And you know it’s hot when the kids are on it & they’re suped up and super-duper fly:

The Dead Milkmen would be proud.

I’ve read that a 45th anniversary edition of the Camaro, has just come out. Why haven’t I seen it? Maybe his parents are driving it up from the Bahamas.

LA Word of the Day: Persian Conversion

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Here in LA, we’ve got the largest population of Iranians outside of Iran.  Thus the nickname, Tehrangeles.  And let me tell you something about Persians– the women are intimidatingly beautiful (to some. Mama’s cool, obviously), their kebabs kick butt and they love their Beemers.

Persian teen boys are notorious for not accepting their BMWs in any format other than an M. And if Daddy doesn’t buy it for them, well, there’s only one thing to do — A Persian Conversion.

Here’s the recipe:

1. Take one 3 series.  Model isn’t important.

2. Remove all model indicators (particularly on the back end).

3. Don’t bother with the things that could make your model identifiable to a real car person, because this is really about your buddies at school and the girls in the Starbucks parking lot. They don’t remember that last year’s M3 had dual exhaust.

4. Go online and buy as many “M” accessories as possible– license plates, steering wheel  wraps, etc– don’t forget the all important M itself.

5. Slap those babies intermittently throughout the automobile’s exterior.  Glue gun, duct tape, whatever.

6. Finally, put on your Dodger’s hat, turn 90 degrees, pop in some Marshall Mathers, turn up to 20 and burn some rubber, even if it means spilling your Frappuccino.

Only in LA: My Cayenne’s Crazier Than Your Cayenne

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Some crazy stuff happens in this town, believe you me.  One of the doozies of late is that the Porsche SUV has become so ubiquitous that Angelinos are forced to trick if only to ensure they can identify their vehicle at  Cheesecake Factory valet.

It started out mild:

 

Weird, metallic colors. Fine, no problem. I just hope you own a popsicle factory.

 

 

 

 

Then, it was the faux carbon fiber hood:

 

Yes, you are a big, big man with an enormous penis and I’m sure you drag race this on the weekends– while I’m riding my unicorn through through fields of 4 leaf clovers with Jim Morrison. Okey dokey.

 

 

 

And then they start upping the ante.  The trim, the custom candy apple red, I smell weirdness on the horizon.

 

Get ready, cuz here it comes.

 

 

I spotted this doozy exactly where you’d expect it to be– at a mall.. in the valley. I know.

And independently, the elements aren’t bad: matte grey (kinda cool), orange trim (5 points for imagination), UFC sticker (sure). But put ‘em all together and waddya get?  One silly valley boy whose parents are now wishing they’d bought him an X3, like everyone else in Calabasas.

But he’s not alone.  There are plenty of Cayenne’s just dying to stand out from the crowd of other Cayennes in my poor, recession-ridden city. Boo hoo.

Dude Or Douchebag: Two-Tone

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Sometimes car trends start with the exotics and trickle down to the streets, like carbon fiber hoods.  And sometimes car trends start with an 18-year-old & a can of bar-b-q black spray paint and the next thing you know Mercedes has a factory matte black finish.  I’ve noticed recently that the two toned vehicle is coming back, and it’s starting in the ‘hood.

 

The late-model Impala– not only is this guy rocking the two-tone, he’s busting out some radical green.  Maybe those are gang colors and someone’s gonna bust a cap in my ass for saying I’m into it–but I don’t care– that’s bad ass.

 

 

And now we have the illustrious Astro Van.  I’m pretty sure this came off the line two-tone, but the fact that this Dude not only polished it up (acknowledging that he knows it’s hot) but matched the wheels (!) makes it really great.  Oh, and to Mr. Latino who was sleeping in this when I took the picture– you may not want to stick your hand down your pants when you sleep in a parking lot.  I’m just sayin..

 

Sometimes the two-tone can be classy:

And sometimes it can be sassy:

And sometimes it just plain goes too far:

I’ll give you 10 points for rocking this with no abandon.  But how’s about picking two colors that don’t belong on a hockey jersey?  And the random use of the blue– on the mirror and the front end are a shame to two-toned aficionados everywhere.  Look! There’s a body shop just to your left, pull in and tell him Mama sent you.