Everybody knows that a car can get you laid. That’s luxury car sales 101.
But it’s also clear that a car can also do the opposite– keep you from gettin’ any. To illustrate, I give you Chastity Belt On Wheels, Article A:
Obvious, right? Any idiot who covers his Beemer in blue painters’ tape is probably the same guy who uses a sandwich bag for a condom — so his faux pas is probably a public service anyway, so I’m not gonna get too worked up. But how about this?
Not bad. I mean the green is a little weird, but his truck is so clean, maybe he brushes his teeth and stuff. But then, from 5 feet away, you realize that this guy is destined to sleep alone:
Oh, sure she’s hiding behind the driver’s seat, that’s almost stealth. But imagine how it would feel if you’re on a first date and you get into the passenger seat to find this staring you in the mug:
Now that’s awkward. Listen buddy, most women don’t dig hussies hogging their boyfriend’s dash. I’m sorry if that’s shocking.
Here’s another thing that chics aren’t into– spending our 401k your soccer team’s logo:
You know that sucker slept on the couch for month after coming home with that. Next time, how’s about you buy a sticker instead and use the excess cash to upgrade your car with I dunno..airbags? Maybe my priorities are just out of whack.
But the one that really chaps me is this one:
If you’re wondering, all of those yellow stickers are Ferrari logos. What is he trying to convince us– that he would’ve driven his 430 but just can’t bear the carbon footprint? Please. Or that he’s rocking the loaner car from the Ferrari dealership? Maybe. If that’s the case what do they give you while you’re getting your Prius serviced? Rollerskates? In that case, his bumper sticker should really read, “My 430, and my testicles, are in the shop.”